Can We Have a “No” Day?
A few days ago, the priceless conversation of two six year olds, riding in my backseat, gained my attention. Somehow, my granddaughter had conjured up the idea from days earlier, I had given her a ‘yes’ day. For a moment, she was making me feel like a pretty cool grandma.
A week ago, I had taken my grand shopping with me. We came home, and she declared that this was a “yes” day. I didn’t think about it at the time, I just thought, yes, it was a good day. Nor was I aware that some people put such a prize on how many ‘yeses’ they give.
It must have sounded good, because her little friend said, “Can we have a ‘yes’ day today?”
I explained to her, “It wasn’t really a ‘yes’ day. It was a good day because she chose good things. Instead of candy, she asked me for fruit. She wanted Eggo’s instead of sugared cereal. It was her lucky day, because when we went to look for new pajamas, we saw the swimming suits and they were on sale, so she got two!”
So I added, “Do you know what the word ‘no’ means? It’s a love word. It means I care about you and I don’t want you to get hurt. It’s protection. It’s safety. It is a boundary that will keep you close to those that love you so they can catch you until you’re old enough to do something on your own. It’s a word that keeps bad things away from you.”
From silence came, “YaYa, can we have a ‘no’ day?” I laughed and said, “Well that wouldn’t be a good idea either. We need both. Jesus and your parents know that you need to say yes to the good things. How about we just make good choices and have a lucky day?”
As I thought about it, I realized we focus too much on the wins. Short, quick wins. So intently, we begin to assume anything but ‘yes’ causes grave disappointment. We unconsciously teach our children to resent the source of the ‘no’. Instead of educating our children that life is a Disney joy ride, we need to embrace the value of how to react and accept the ‘no’. No is to be respected until they are of an age to know when they need to place limitations upon themselves.
No is a power word. While ‘yes’ feels good, no is the single source of my best education in life. We learn a lot more from our failures than we do from our successes. No can mean several things – this is not the right path, you must make a change or you haven’t made your point. No is very often - protection. The acceptance of rejection by a ‘no’ is a learned response. It doesn’t come naturally. That is exactly what makes us a higher form of living beings. Animals function only on the ‘instinct of take’ pertaining to what they want and not the discipline of choice.
As writer and older adult, my relationship with the ‘no’s and the ‘not’s’ intensify, and it is easy to become frustrated with things out of the order we wish they would be. Then, from my backseat and straight out the mouth of babes, a six year old understood and reminded me how particularly blessed I have been for unanswered prayers. Although I will never fully understand here on earth why things are the way they are, I know God’s choices are better than mine. His plans are bigger. He cares and He loves me. Jesus, I thank you for your ‘no’s as much as your ‘yes’s!
